


The Last Goodbye

by Amorfati32



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:36:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15388893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amorfati32/pseuds/Amorfati32
Summary: Following Emily's untimely death, Mulder visits the little girl's body.





	The Last Goodbye

Mulder steps into the elevator and presses the button for the basement. He’s thankful there’s no one else around; the last thing he needs right now is to make polite small talk with a stranger. When the elevator arrives at its destination Mulder hesitates before exiting, unsure as to whether he’s doing the right thing or if he should just head back to his hotel room. Part of him wants to do this, to take a moment to say goodbye, but then he also wonders whether he might regret it, whether he should just remember her how she was before…her smile, her immediate unwavering trust in him from the moment he met her…Mulder blinks, snapping free from his thoughts. He can’t get emotional. It’s not his right to get emotional right now.

Taking a deep breath, he continues along the corridor until he finds the room he’s looking for. He opens the door and steps inside, his eyes immediately finding Emily’s body in front of him. She’s only been dead a matter of hours, and Scully has been with her since she passed the hospital staff allowing her time alone with her daughter. But now that Scully has gone – Maggie had been adamant that she go back to Bill’s for some rest – Mulder is taking the time to say his own goodbye to the little girl. His partner had distanced herself, earlier insisting that he too leave the hospital, or San Diego if he liked. After all, she’d said, there was no reason why he couldn’t go back to DC. He’d wanted to tell her that she was the reason he needed to stay, but knew she’d push him away. But still, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the hospital just yet. He needed to see Emily one last time.

As he approaches the gurney and pulls back the sheet covering Emily’s body, Mulder’s heart breaks. Of course he’s seen a child’s body before, too many of them in his line of work, but this is different. She’s Scully’s daughter and her mom means a lot to Mulder, a hell of a lot. Seeing her here now just hits home that Scully has yet again lost someone close to her. He can’t believe it was only a few days ago that Emily was sitting in her room, drawing quite contentedly as Scully looked on, still struggling to comprehend that this beautiful, if quiet little girl was her own. They’d had hope back then, hope that Scully would be awarded custody of her daughter; that Emily would go back to DC with her mom and they’d be a family. Though the court hadn’t been too keen on the idea, Mulder knew that he would have done anything in his power to make it happen. Hell, he’d have married Scully if it had even remotely improved her chances of getting custody. He’d do anything to make her happy. But now…now there’s no hope, and he’s not sure Scully will ever be happy again. He’d do anything in his power to change what has happened.

Looking down at the little girl, Mulder takes in her appearance. Scully may have insisted that Emily look like Melissa, but Mulder could see his partner in her little girl right from the moment he met her; her coloring; her bright, inquisitive eyes; her intelligent, quiet nature. It’s so unfair, Mulder thinks to himself, as he realizes Emily is still wearing her mom’s necklace. So unfair. And it’s all because of him.

“Hi Emily.” Mulder clears his throat, glancing over his shoulder to make sure they’re alone. He pulls up a seat next to her, perching on the edge of it. “It’s me, Mulder. Remember me? I’m Dana’s friend. You laughed at my name, Fox.” He sighs sadly. “I’m Mr Potato Head.”

Instinctively he lifts a hand and brushes a strand of Emily’s hair back behind her ear. He half expects her to wake up and admonish him for touching his hair (she was very precise about how she wanted it), but of course she doesn’t. “I didn’t want you to get scared being down here on your own.” It’s all he’s been able to think about since she passed, Emily being down here by herself. “I know we didn’t know each other that well and I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry about a lot of things. You…this wasn’t supposed to happen you know. You were supposed to go to DC with your mom and…not this…not this.”

Mulder inhales sharply as his throat thickens and tears cloud his eyes. He’s kept his emotions in check ever since he found out the news – he had to, just in case Scully needed him. She has yet to let her guard down, and Mulder suspects she won’t – she’ll insist that she’s fine, that Emily wasn’t really part of her life long enough to get attached to, but Mulder knows the truth. Scully may have only known her daughter a short period of time, but she loved her – Emily was her little girl after all.

“It wasn’t supposed to end like this.” He takes hold of Emily’s hand, already cool to the touch, and the realization only makes his tears spill over. So unfair. “I’m sorry you didn’t’ get to live the life you deserved,” he continues through his tears. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to know Dana better. She loved you very much and she was a great mom.” He hadn’t been surprised when he saw how well Scully interacted with Emily. He’d seen her with children on cases before and knew she was gentle and kind, fun too. Plus, he’d thought to himself the day he first saw her with Emily, she’d been taking care of him for years. A child would have been easy in comparison.

“I know that she’s sad and she’d do anything to have you back, but I promise you I’m going to be there for her. She misses you a lot already. I do too,” he admits. “You’re Dana’s daughter and you’re…important to me. Dana is too. I’m just…I’m sorry it ended like this. I’m sorry Emily, for everything.”

“You’re not to blame for this Mulder.”

He freezes, for a second wondering who’s talking to him. Of course it’s not Emily and so he turns, glancing over at the door and sees Scully standing before him, her arms folded in front of her, tears trailing down her cheeks. One look at her and he knows she’s been listening the whole time.

Letting go of Emily’s hand, Mulder gets to his feet and wipes away his tears, instinctively taking a step back from the little girl, not wanting to overstep the mark. “Scully I just…” he trails off. She heard everything, she knows what he was doing.

“You didn’t want her to be alone.”

He nods, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I remember you saying how scared she used to be when she was on her own.”

“Thank you.”

No, he thinks to himself. He doesn’t deserve her thanks. “Don’t thank me Scully, this is all my fault.”

“No it isn’t.” She steps into the room, her eyes drifting to her daughter looking so peaceful, so angelic. “You are not to blame.”

“If it wasn’t for me this would never have happened. You would have never been abducted, Emily –”

“She would have never existed,” whispers Scully, taking hold of her little girl’s hand, her face crumpling as she did so. “She may have had a short life but she was happy, despite everything she’d been through, and she was loved.” As Scully’s eyes finally catch Mulder’s he realizes she isn’t just talking about herself loving Emily. “She wasn’t meant to be and it hurts. God it hurts…but I’m glad I got to meet her, that she knew me and I was there for her when she…” She doesn’t need to finish, Mulder knows what she’s going to say. “And I’m grateful for everything you did for us.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes you did.” Briefly letting go of Emily’s hand, she turns to face him fully. “You flew out here without any hesitation and you were more supportive of my decisions than my own family.” Mulder says nothing, but he knows she’s being too kind, too generous. He recalls the feeling of dread when he realized that Scully might leave him and the X-Files if she was awarded custody, and how he also feared his partner may experience yet more heartache if she didn’t win the court case. “You tried to help her.” He looks away. “And I know that if she’d have come home with me you would have been like a father to her.

And that’s when it hits Mulder just why he’s so upset. Of course he knew Emily was Scully’s daughter, but she was also the closest he’d ever get to having a child of his own. Scully’s right, he would have loved Emily like she was his own daughter, maybe he’d have even entertained the idea that one day they could have become a family. But now he and Scully are going to have to face the unthinkable and lay their little girl to rest.

“I should have done more. I’m sorry.”

“Mulder you did more than I could have ever asked of you.” Scully says, her words only intensifying his guilt. She closes the gap between them, slipping her arms around him and resting her head against his chest. “None of this is your fault. She just wasn’t meant to…” Mulder wraps his arms around his partner as she sobs, his own tears continuing to fall. Scully may not blame him, but he knows he’s right, that if she hadn’t joined the X-Files she’d be facing a different future. There would have been no cancer, no future worries about her health, she could have had children if she’d wanted. She would have been happy.

As though reading his thoughts, Scully squeezes him tightly, pulling back ever so slightly to look up at him. She looks so small, so broken, but he’s grateful she’s letting him see it, that she’s finally letting her guard down. “Thank you for staying with her,” she says, mustering up a thin smile. “for looking out for her.”

“I’d have always looked out for her.”

“I know,” Scully sniffs, looking back at her daughter. “She looks like she’s sleeping.”

“She looks so much like you Scully.” As she settles her head back against his chest, Mulder feels Scully nod in agreement.

“I’m going to stay with her for a while longer.”

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks, not wanting to interrupt.

“I don’t want to keep you.”

“If you’d like some company I’d…or if you’d rather be alone.”

“I don’t think I want to be alone right now.”

He nods in understanding. “I’ll stay.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you Scully,” he says. “For introducing me to your daughter.”

Kissing her crown, he holds her tightly as they keep watch over their little girl.


End file.
